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It was a lonnnnnnnng day at work, wherin there was dullness, an interfering authority, sulking, tantrum pitching, and a flash of more skin than I ever wanted to see in my life. Kind of like a David Lynch movie, actually...only not as crappily directed.

First off, the first half of the day we did about 23 prescriptions. Usually, before I go to lunch, we do about 50-60 scripts. Today? 23. This did not bode well for the rest of the day. So I went down and had lunch with the dynamic duo...a trio today, when the Perv joined us briefly. Honestly, I live for the lunches I can take with Dx and Tm...two older gay guys, they're so refreshingly QUEER it just kills me...I work in the straightest place on the planet. It's like returning to the planet I was born on or something. But enough about that, because as entertaining as they were, they were also inconsequential. I get back to work, only to find All Hell Has Broken Loose. Someone must've told our customers that we were standing around doing nothing...they'd done 30 prescriptions in the hour I took for lunch, and were just getting started. The madness did not end until about 5pm, an hour before we closed. Then it just DIED again, meaning that me, doing the majority of the work, filled between 110 and 120 prescriptions by myself in the short time from 1 pm to 4 pm. I feel like a fucking super hero or something. But I digress.

During the abysmally dull morning, I'm confronted by the Fat Cow, who wants to know if I took the other stuffed animal. See, one of the drug companies will send you a free gift for each $200 you order from them; we order a lot, so we're ALWAYS getting crappy shit from them. Cheap radios, a 5' black and white tv, or in this case, stuffed animals. Yesterday, seeing that the stuffed animal had sat for a week unclaimed, I asked the boss' wife if I could have it. She said I could, so the cute puppy came home with me. This morning, der Weazel demanded of the Fat Cow, where was the puppy? See, there had been TWO stuffed animals, and he'd magnanimously let her have one, and he was going to keep the other. Of course, he didn't TELL anyone this was going to happen, so the boss' wife said I could have the puppy. MINE MINE MINE! That's when everyone found out that he'd been ordering BIG orders, sometimes more than we needed, to make the $200 orders to get the free gift...and was taking them home without letting anyone know we were getting the freebies! Well...he sulked the whole damn rest of the day, der Weazel did...WEEEEEEEEEEEZEL!

As if that wasn't bad enough, the Fat Cow was on one (and has been on one for days again)...and was sulking because she had to put up the pharmaceutical order...I happened to pass by her while she was bending down to put up some stuff on the lowest shelf, when I saw IT. An expanse of bright white flesh, and a flash of hideously fuchia-pink cotton and... I see London, I see France, I see --- OH MY GOD, PLUMBER PANTS! That's right folks, I got mooned by the Fat Cow today. I tried to tell her gently, but she laughed me off, until I assured her that no, I COULD see her asscheeks. She let out a SHRIEK and went and hid in the compounding room for the rest of the day. AUGH! My EYES! Where's the alcohol santizing gel? I need to clean my corneas!

And then, before I got good and settled, the Problem came in. The Problem is never one particular customer, mind you. It's the one serious obstical that I have to clear, each and every day. In this case, it was a very sweet little lady who needed a simple prescription filled. Problem #1: We didn't have it on the shelf. That's alright, she assured me, she'd pick it up tomorrow when our order came in. She wasn't in a hurry. She didn't need it till Sunday. Alright, no problem. So I take the script and she leaves, pleased as punch with my customer service. That's when Problem #2 arose. You see, said grandmotherly sort is on disability, wherein the state pays for her prescriptions. So in an attempt to limit the amount of money they spend on the aged and disabled, so they can spend more on lining the pockets of big business...they limit the drugs a person can get. If it's not on the approved list, you have to call their 'service' line and get it approved before you fill it.

This SOUNDS like an okay idea. Until you find out that a) most drugs are not on the approved list b) that you can only call during a very limited window of time to get it approved c) that there are only fifteen lines available for the ENTIRE STATE d) that there are only FIVE FUCKING TECHNICIANS ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE, so most of the time you have to wait and e) the 'service' center is located in ALABAMA. That's right. To get prescriptions filled for the most vulnerable folks in the state, you have to get on the horn and wait in line to talk to some yahoo in Alabama, most of which have no idea what drugs are much less, why someone would need them. They just read off a script. Compound that with the fact that if there is someone on hold on all of those fifteen lines, the phone jail just hangs up on you. So.

My Problem came through the door at 10:15 am. At 10:20 am, I called the line. Busy. Hung up on. 10:33 am, I call. Busy. Hung up on. 10:41 am, I call. Busy. Hung up on. 11:08 am, I call. Busy. Hung up on. 11:21 am, I call. Busy. Hung up on. 11:36 am, just 24 minutes before I'm off for lunch...I finally get through to one of the fifteen available lines. Okay, so now I get to sit on hold. At 11:57 pm, I am FINALLY given the PRIVILAGE of someone picking up the phone to talk to me. And then I have to argue. No, she can't use another drug. Why? Because she's having surgery on her cataracts in 4 days, and she needs to take the medicine for at least TWO DAYS before hand! Finally, after five minutes of hot tempered haggling, I am given the all important pass number, and get the poor lady's script filled... total time on the phone, for a single prescription: Total time of my life WASTED on hold? 32 minutes and 45 seconds. Ugh. Why? Because the state wanted to save a measly $8. Yup. That's right. $8 difference between the 'approved' drug and the 'non approved' drug. At least the call center's not in India...though I'm sure it WILL be as soon as someone in the state legislature figures out that's the new trend in 'help desks'.

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh.

Just call me 'Pinky Bubblebutt',

The Captain

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