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| 10:27 p.m.-2003-09-02 Surprise you as it might, the Captain was not found in a cabbage patch. More's the pity, because as a wise man once said, you can pick your friends, because you can't pick your relatives. Or as Mark Twain once said, "There's a lot to be said about your next of kin. It has to be said, because it can't be printed." That explained, he should mention that the Captain's mother (who is still alive, yes...he's not THAT old) works in a funeral home. That's right. A funeral home. And not in the sexy, chic, Six Feet Under way. Oh no. More like Steven King meets the Addam's family way. Don't get me wrong, as the Captain worked there as a teen myself for pocket money, but if you hang around dead people long enough, you stop forgetting certain social niceties. Point in case. This is the last paragraph from the most recent e-mail from the Captain's maternal unit, with only minor editing to help distance us from the reality of the situation (and to prevent relatives from possibly finding this page on a search engine): "There was a triple murder at the XXXXX in XXXXX yesterday. We are getting one of the victims. She was six months pregnant. They delivered the baby for the autopsy. We are going to put the baby in her arms for the funeral. It is going to be sad. Well, I gotta go. Love ya, Mom" Yes. You read that right. This was how the Captain's mother chose to end a letter to her eldest son. (Note, by the way, the careful, elegant 'two spaces after a period' formatting from a bygone age of typewriters...the Captain's mother was an English teacher before she was a funeral home receptionist and funeral arranger). The Captain would like to extend apologies if that just squicked out half his readership, and assures his audience that the slain are in his prayers...he might be a pirate, but he's not a sicko. But the Captain is currently squicked out enough himself to be doing the heebie jeebie dance all the way home, as it were. Thanks, Mom...really. The Captain
the other half yelling at the kittens  The Internet's Mood: The Captain Recommends Dogcessorize 2006-08-13 - Movie Review: Monster House 2006-08-07 - Movie Review: The Descent 2006-06-09 - Movie Review: The Omen 2006-06-03 - She's here, She's here! 2006-05-22 - Blame the Cabin-Boy for playing 50 questions.
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